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Laura's Journal
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9th-Oct-2005 09:38 pm(no subject)
so tough
I have a new LJ. Ya'll can find me at life_renewed416. It will be much different that this journal was. Much more me.
6th-Oct-2005 11:05 pm(no subject)
so tough
I'm pretty torn up inside. It's been a rough week for me and the people I love back home. I guy from my home church (a high school junior) attempted suicide this past weekend and now he is in a coma. His twin brother found him hanging himself. There are no signs of him waking any time soon and it's really scary. I know this family and I can only imagine what they are going through. I'm continually praying for them since I don't think any of them know the Lord beyond church every Sunday. This event has been bringing back a lot of demons for me. I was in his shoes in middle school. I was thinking about how much this world sucks and I want out of it. I remember the numbness of life. I remember being on the verge of cutting myself so that I would feel something. Life had no purpose, i felt really unloved (by people who really did love me, but just not in the way that they could have given me). I felt a void in my life and I hated the world because nothing was making me happy like society tells me life should be. I had happy moments but really low weeks. I know how he probably felt, because I was him 5 years ago. But then my life changed in one week. I found what I needed to fill that void and that was Christ. Not just religion but a relationship that He wanted with me. Since then I've never looked back, unless I share this story with people so that they can understand the love of Christ. The unconditional love of God. A love that exceeds a thousand times the love that a family member or friend can ever provide. It fills you and wants to make you a better person. Make you more like Christ. Righteous and clean so that you can please your Father in Heaven. But he makes you clean as a gift. All you need to do is repent and trust in Him. Surrender your life to Him. He loves you and wants you to be in His Kingdom for eternity. He doesn't want you to be separated from Him for eternity (yes, Hell exists whether you want it to or not). He doesn't desire for you to be miserable. He desires for you to love Him and the gift of life so you may "have life and live it abundantly." "Greater love has no one than this, that He lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:12?). Turn to him, people, He's the only way this life is going to be worth anything.
28th-Sep-2005 02:07 pm(no subject)
so tough
I'm at that point where i feel like I'm not enough of something. Satan keeps reminding me of all those qualities that i don't have and I feel inadequate. I feel stretched. Not that I'm doing a lot right now, but I'm anticipating a lot that will be going on and I don't see the time to do it when it does happen. For instance i got a job with America Reads and it doesn't start for another few weeks, and already I feel like I'm stretched, with classes, homework, friends, ministry, meetings, etc. All of this stuff that I'm anticipating is making me anxious and inadequate to be able to complete everything and be satisfied. I already had an emotional breakdown during the beach retreat and cried more than i have all year. I feel my emotions starting to get out of control. Everyday i find someone who just bothers me to point that I want to scream at them to stop whining. I'm finding it very hard to love people right now and i don't like it. In fact I hate it. I'm going to have to have a conversation that I'm not really looking forward to with someone very soon and I don't want to have these emotions when I talk to him.

If these feelings get any worse, like to the point of depression again (I can feel it coming), I'm going to talk to Ashlee and ask her to contact that Christian counselor Wendy and maybe talk to her about some things.

My final thought: Guys, Christian or non-Christian, are always going to be aggravating and that's where grace comes in.
23rd-Sep-2005 01:43 pm - My life is a sitcom
so tough
God makes me laugh...so hard. The things in my life are so comical and ironic that all I can do is laugh at myself and the way God tests me.

Heading to Myrtle today...going back to the Calypso, just like old times! I'll get to see my SBP peeps from UNCG and Wingate and Tracey!!!!! Maybe I'll get to see Brian while I'm down there too. maybe. That would be awesome, especially for him to meet some of the CO guys. This is going to be an AMAZING weekend. There are at least 132 people coming altogether and some of us may have to go to another hotel across the street. We're taking up a whole flippin' motel! In the words of Turk...UNBELIEVABLE!!
20th-Sep-2005 11:10 pm - Back to the Calypso
so tough
CAMPUS OUTREACH BEACH GETAWAY IN 3 DAYS!!!!! When the sun goes down in Myrtle on Friday I'll be seein' the Calypso and my summer roomies!!!! I'm so excited that so many freshmen are coming! Please pray for this weekend! God's gonna move!
14th-Sep-2005 01:59 pm - time for a change
so tough
Thought I would give my LJ a little update....the best way to procrastinate any homework.

Anyway, things at school have been pretty crazy. I'm meeting some awesome freshmen in my hall and Madeline and I have been getting along awesomely (yes I said "awesomely")! I've learned to appreciate the different seasons of time God gives me (not talking about winter, spring, summer, and fall). There are a lot of friends that I haven't really talked to, but at the same time there are a lot of new people that I'm getting to know in my hall. Also today God challenged me with making a homework assignment be attending a play tonight--the night that CO begins--and the play probably won't be over until the meeting is over. But it will be a good thing, in the end. I'll be able to ask the new girls that go what they thought about the speaker and ask them to tell me about it. This way I can actually have them summarize it for me since i missed it, this way I'll be able to see what they understood or didn't understand. It's a blessing.

So pretty much decided that I really don't want to be a counselor and I'm sticking with majoring in Film Communications. I'm not a fan of the counseling class I'm taking. While I LOVE listening and helping people out, it doesn't feel right for me as a career. So for those of you who were wondering, I won't be counseling. God has a plan for me to do something with the education I'm getting for film and that includes where a family would fit in with that career path. I'm not stressing out about it anymore. Guys are still an issue, but I'm not seeking a relationship right now, at least not this year. This doesn't mean I won't consider going on dates but I'm not looking for a relationship. There are too many other things on my plate and God is still showing me a lot about myself that I need to work on before someone else gets seriously involved with my life.

That's a brief update, but give me a call if you want a full one. I probably won't be updating a lot this year, so please do call or email me if you want to catch up!
5th-Sep-2005 05:21 pm(no subject)
so tough
"GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

that was yesterday.

this is today:

"gggrrrrrrrrrrrr........"

I'm really asking God to search my heart so that I may know myself better and know what I still need to learn about how i relate to people. I'm kicking myself for the way I'm feeling right now, because I let my emotions and attachment get to far and now I'm hurting. There are going to be so many changes in the next year. And it's exciting but also a little scary at the same time. Lord, I'm trusting in You and Your plans for me and my friends, because You are the only one who can see the whole picture.
3rd-Sep-2005 04:09 pm - Life is about to get CRAZY!!!
so tough
This year is going to be so busy and crazy. I'm already feeling stretched to the limit. So I'm taking 17 credit hours. My Digital Media class is going to require lots of outside class time. I'm meeting girls and working on building those relationships while still maintaining the ones from last year. I'm going to be starting a West dorm Bible Study with Madeline AND I'm going to be helping Farley with one for the sophomore girls in Campus Outreach. I'm also meeting with Emily and (eventually) Stacy every week for time in the Word together and scripture memory and accountability. AND the weekly CO meetings are starting in a couple weeks...followed shortly by the beach retreat to Myrtle Beach. And bi-weekly training meetings have started for the leaders of CO. And to top it all off...I'm supposed to get a job. I can't wait to see how God is going to pull all this together because there is no way I can do all this on my own.

5th Quarter tonight after the football game. More chances to meet girls and some people from SBP are going to be there! Unfortunately I probably won't get to talk to them as much as I would like to tonight. But there will be other chances.
28th-Aug-2005 09:32 pm(no subject)
so tough
Only day 2 at school, classes haven't started yet, and already I can see that this will be an interesting year. I'm going to be driving myself crazy with the opposite sex (one in particular) overthinking everything. sigh. Oh well. That's life. In the meantime, I'm having a blast decorating my room with pictures and verses and making it feel like a sanctuary and a home. Going to church today was like a reunion with everyone from CO. It was wonderful and I'm so glad to be back.
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